Worst 20 Films Since Being Married

Following our Top 20 films since being married (for three years) here is our much more controversial bottom 20.

NB. Very mild plot spoiler warning.

No. 20  

• Helen - Dogma (Cert. 18) 6/10: Trying to be funny and quirky but failing at times. The plot wasn't that interesting and I fell asleep before the end.
• Swith - La Regle du Jeu 5/10: An un-engaging farce with too many characters and predictable plot about infidelity.

No. 19

• Helen - Alien 5/10: Setting and alien looked good, but the plot was terrible.
• Swith - The Fly 5/10: Overacted yet woodenly acted, contrived plot and very squidgy. The dissolve in the first scene was the best part of the film.

No. 18

• Helen - Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (Cert.18) 5/10: Disappointingly dull. Laura Palmer seems out of character, wandering around aimlessly for most of the film and it doesn't seem to go anywhere. The usual quirky characters weren't present. The dream sequences didn't help redeem it enough and the beginning of the film was especially long and seemed pointless.
• Swith - The Godfather Part II 5/10: The father son contrast simply doesn't work. Un-engaging from the outset with a sprawling and unfocused narrative. Way too long. Cinematography average.

No. 17

• Helen - The Little Norse Prince 5/10: Cute in places, but there wasn't much of a plot and it was quite slow moving.
• Swith - The Bird with the Crystal Plumage 5/10: A standard thriller with no characters nor substance of note.

No. 16

• Helen - The Trial (Cert. PG) 5/10: Intriguing at the start, but gets weird, random and hard to follow later on. Not much of a plot, more a philosophical point. Liked the opening animation. Didn't find any of the characters likeable.
• Swith - Cries and Whispers 5/10: A film about the lack of communication failed to communicate in terms of story and character. Acting was good though and Sven Nykvist's cinematography was excellent.

No. 15

• Helen - Source Code (Cert. 12) 5/10: Looked promising at the start, but dull after that, as it didn't matter what happened to him. Characters were bad and there was a disappointing saccharin ending. The bad guy was terrible and not convincing.
• Swith - Monty Python and the Meaning of Life (Cert. 15) 5/10: Occasionally amusing absurdist series of sketches on the meaning of life. No narrative of which to speak and many sketches are too long and try too hard.

No. 14

• Helen -Monster 5/10: Boring and didn't like the characters.
• Swith - A Matter of Life and Death 5/10: Interesting premise but went nowhere, pointed to nothing and was awfully predictable.

No. 13

• Helen -The Fly 5/10: Far too unsubtle about everything. Grotesque costume was pretty good though.
• Swith - Airplane 5/10: Not as funny as it thought it was.

No. 12

• Helen -Transformers: The Movie 5/10: Not a very good plot, but some of the transformations were cool.
• Swith - Jackie Brown 5/10: Too long, un-funny and shallow crime drama.

No. 11

• Helen -21 Grams 5/10: Boring. Firstly, you had to figure out who everyone was, then nothing interesting happened.
• Swith - If... 5/10: Saw what they were trying to do with authority vs rebellion but had too many characters and was rather slow and un-engaging.

No. 10

• Helen -Hard Eight 5/10: Beginning looked interesting, then it was just dull. Didn't care about the characters.
• Swith - La Quattro Volte (Cert. U) 5/10: The four lives of an old man, a goat, a tree and dust. Essentially the circle of life without plot, characters and literally no music. Some good technique in parts showing with the man and below from the goat. Pretentious but not as annoying as it could have been.

No. 9

• Helen - Crimes and Misdemeanours (Cert. 15) 5/10: Dull, and hardly anything happened. Didn't particularly like any of the characters and didn't care what they did.
• Swith - Synecdoche, New York 5/10: Occasionally amusing but subtext is a poor plot. Deliberately quirky in parts which had an uneven effect. Far, far too long. Watch Persona or Mulholland Drive instead.

No. 8

• Helen - Synecdoche, New York 5/10: Too long and depressing. Didn't really like any of the characters.
• Swith - Monster 5/10: Shallow, incoherent and dull.

No.7

• Helen - The Straight Story 5/10: Slow and dull (fell asleep). The guy on the lawnmower seemed interesting at first.
• Swith - X-Men: First Class 4/10: Too many characters, too little plot, clichéd and boring from start to finish. X-Men: Third Class.

No. 6

• Helen - Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan 5/10: Extended dull Star Trek episode.
• Swith - Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan 4/10: Extended dull Star Trek episode with some seriously bad dialogue and characterisation.

No. 5

• Helen - Act of Valor (Cert. 15) 5/10: Really dull war movie. Predictable and I felt nothing for the characters, as all that seemed to happen was running around and shooting.
• Swith - The Neverending Story 4/10: Humanist saccharine, plot-less, no-D characters. The music is reasonable in parts.

No.4

• Helen - If... 5/10: Not that interesting, could've told the story in half the time.
• Swith - Act of Valor (Cert. 15) 4/10: Seriously dull American propaganda film. No characters or plot, some nice edits though.

No. 3

• Helen - X-Men: First Class 4/10: Barely any plot, cheesy and clichéd. Too long and too many characters plus they were bad characters.
• Swith - Source Code (Cert. 12) 4/10: Putrid. No tension, no characters, no plot and no ideas. American ruling class propaganda against the "new threat"- "the right-wing WASP". Saccharin ending and "emotive" music.

No. 2 

• Helen - Airplane 4/10: Not funny, tried too hard.
• Swith - 21 Grams 4/10: Worthy, pretentious, irritating music, unengaging, poor characters, dire dialogue in parts and boring.

No.1

• Helen - Napoleon Dynamite 4/10: Funny in places, but thinks it's funnier than it is.
• Swith - The Silence 4/10: One note plod about the silence of God, the meaninglessness of life and the inability of communication. Needs to find a plot and some characters.

Honourable Mentions: Films We Didn't Finish

Pather Panchali

• Helen - Very boring, nothing happened. Characters were dull; didn't finish (1st hour only).
• Swith - Plotless, witless and dull. Also the mother character was immensely irritating.

Carousel

• Helen - Despite one good sequence, it was clichéd, dull and slow. Stopped watching an hour in.

Good Morning (An Ozu Film)

• Both - Didn't finish - nothing happened.

Only Yesterday

• Both - Didn't finish - Anime, nothing happened.

Stay alert in the next few days for the fully ordered list of all of the films we have seen since being married.