The CU is not a Meat Market, it's a Delicatessen Part 3- Find a Wife

Having decided that you ought to be married you need to consider whether or not you are ready for marriage. The question should not be can I fulfill the role as a husband or a wife but rather can I grow into the role. You can't play at being married so whatever preparation you do, and I'm certainly not against it, it won't fully brief you for married life- before anyone asks I'm using second hand info here. Further, marriage is the perfect structure for spiritual formation- you have two people who love each other who will tell each other if they're sinning and then will deal with it. I'm not saying marriage will sort out your problems but it should make you more holy. So to the men, do you think you can lead, teach and provide for your potential wife? If not work on your personal holiness and giftings to the point you are. To women, do you think you can love, submit to your husband and love your children? If not work on your character until you're able. If you are answering yes, keep reading.

The modern trend is for people to get married at a later and later age. The median age for first time marriages in 2005 was 30.7 for grooms and 28.5 for brides. (ONS data for the UK). Back in 1851 the figures were 25.9 for grooms and 24.7 for brides. The lowest ages were in the late 60s early 70s when brides were 22.5 and grooms 24.5. From a purely biological view the age rising for women is problematic when you consider that the peak fertility of a woman is between the ages of 19-25. Further levels of fertility fall quite drastically after the age of 30. This seems to indicate the nature thinks we get married too late. One of the reasons for the increase in the marriage ages can be put down to the modern education system which keeps a lot of people in full time education until they're 21 and even longer when doing postgraduate degrees which are becoming more popular by the year. This leads to people being put on the shelf only after their best before date. Culture also tells us that you need to wait till you're older and have a lot of different experiences to know what you really want before you are ready to commit to marrying. This underlies a commitmentless, self centred culture where you put off making a decision and justify it by arguing you just need that bit more information, which you'll keep doing in perpetuity. This is mainly the fault of the men who refuse to take on responsibility because they want all the perks of marriage without the sacrificing themselves to their women.

So you know you should be married what do you do next? Well, the ball is in your court lads:

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favour from the LORD." Proverbs 18:22

NB. A good wife must be a Christian. How can you possibly marry a God hater? 2 Corinthians 6:14 states that you should not be unequally yoked- pulling in different directions ain't going to work. In keeping with male leadership it is the role of the man to go and find a wife. Remember English at school, find is a verb, a doing word, which means you'll have to put some effort into it and not wait for a wife to appear deus ex machina. Now lads, where would you find lots of Christian girls who would make potential wives? The Christian Union. This is not to say that you should go there solely for this reason- it's main purpose is to build up students to live and speak for Christ. However there is probably never going to be another time in your life in which they will be such a wide choice of girls to choose from. In the future you may well be in churches in which there are only a handful of potential wives. And if you should have a wife, why not start in the best place? During my time at university there were many godly girls who'd make good wives but weren't attached or seemingly had little interest- I have eyes everywhere! It is a genuinely good place to find a good wife- that is why the CU is not a Meat Market, it's a Delicatessen- bdum tschhh! So lads attune your radar and get going. If you think there is potential, man up and ask the girl out. This makes things a lot easier. If she doesn't like you it makes it easier for her to say no rather than trying to give not interested signals which you probably won't read. It also gives proper direction because you go out with a purpose of marriage rather than hanging around with them a lot, not sure where it's going. Finally lads, if you can't take the risk of being rejected by a girl you are the ultimate example of emasculation and I pity you.

But, all my adoring female readers cry, what can we do? Make cake. Seriously. Try and single your favoured man out for attention. Find out what he's interested in and find things out about it. If he's reading a book then get a copy yourself and read it so you have something to talk about with him. Ultimately however, if a guy is worth your interest he'll initiate things properly. If he can't even dare to ask you out how'll he do leading you and your children.

For more information about these issues look at www.boundless.org and listen to the mini-series' on Biblical Manhood, Biblical Womanhood and children in Mark Driscoll's Proverbs series.